Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize