I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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