Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize