I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
