When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
