What a fucking waste of an outfit
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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