the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
