I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
