You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
