can we get nightvision for the apartment?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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