VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize