Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
