So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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