You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
