Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
