rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
