the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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