Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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