I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
