I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My dick has a subreddit
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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