I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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