i may or may not be watching the land before time
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
