yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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