me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize