dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
