If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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