I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize