He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
