4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
