please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
