Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
