you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
