3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize