you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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