its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
