why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
