she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
