Your dad touched me again.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
