I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Randomize
