Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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