If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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