all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize