she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
