you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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