They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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