I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
