Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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