Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
