LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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