So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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