I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
