your room smells of hookers.
And success
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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