This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
