I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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