you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
