watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
