I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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