lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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