Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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