I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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