Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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