I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
