it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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