i wish peter jackson would direct porn
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
