You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sext me about skeletons
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
