it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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